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Q. Master John, I am at Pennsic and I have been smashing flies for days. I should be ankle deep in fly corpses by now. Where do all the flies go when they are dead? A. To
the Fly Resurrection Point, of course! We know this must be so because
common knowledge tells us that it takes a week or more for garbage to turn
into flies.
Q. Master John, I have a Viking personna, and I would like to try some authentic Viking food. Is Lutefisk period for Vikings? A. Some
of it. Fortunately, antique Lutefisk is not a renewable resource. Unfortunately,
the recipe has not been lost.
Q. Master John, please settle an argument. My friend says that wall tents fly better because the walls catch strong winds easily. I say that Viking tents fly better because they are in fact sails. Who is right? A. You
are both wrong! Dome tents fly best, in almost all ways. When flying, they
maintain a good trim, but with the bottom up. Furthermore, they hold their
shape very well. I know this is true, having some personal experience with
OTHER PEOPLE'S flying tents. While at Estrella some years ago, I made a
quick color sketch of a flying dome tent, based on my personal observations,
in the presence of many co-witnesses. See
the flying dome tent!
Q. Master John, is the Prime Meridian Period? Why does it have to be in England? A. Yes,
the Prime Meridian is very period! Until the English confiscated them all
in the mid-17th century, everyone had their very own Prime Meridian. Even
better, it was fully portable and you could use it wherever and whenever
you wanted to. This was possible because the location of the Prime Meridian
is completely arbitrary. The English wound up owning it because they had
FUNDING, which is part of a much longer story. Suffice it to say that they
decided that a hilltop east of London would be a good site for an observatory,
where they could keep it under guard so the French wouldn't steal it. As
for the specific spot, I suspect that someone tossed a coin over his shoulder
and said "Put it there." Sometime later, it was moved several inches to
a much better spot, where it can be seen to this day.
Q. Master John, there is a company of Musketeers at my door, wanting to borrow my roof, for a good cause. They say they will bring right back. What should I do? A. Never loan your roof to Musketeers! No matter how they beg or plead, or what oaths they swear, you will never see your roof again. Of course, if the cause is worthy and just, you may consider the loss to be worth the trouble you will have later when your building rots in the rain. Don't say no one warned you. |
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