Source: Miquie Li miquieli@aol.com
I was thinking of how people always label the BSB, 'N Sync, 98*, and
5ive as "manufactured groups of
dancers with mics" (or more commonly known as a "boy band") and it's
not the name that bothers me, it's
the stereotype. So I have to ask: Do you remember the old days of "boy
bands"? The days when if you
were a member of one of those "teen phenomenoms" you had to abide by
"THE RULES"? Let's see if the
"boy bands" of today have been good (sarcasm intended)...
Rule 1. Hair should be short, well groomed, and "clean cut". (In other
words no long hair, messy
or weird do's, or unnatural hair colors.)
this rule. He's smashed, crashed, mutilated,
and thrown it off a cliff! He's sported more colors than a rainbow
and more styles than Salon Selectives
could ever come up with. His band mates are guilty too. Who could forget
Kevin's 'Oasis' phase? Or when
he had those blonde highlights in the Millennium jacket photos. Or
how about the other Kentuckian cutie
Brian? If you're a fan from the old days you would know that he has
dyed his hair before too. Howie
Dorough used to be a good boy with short cropped hair but now dons
a ::gasps:: ponytail! And who loved
his hair at the VMA's? I know I did! Even baby boy Nicky Carter dyes
his hair and sometimes has his
longer than regulation length. He even went with the messy look (which
I love and wear quite often)!
Outlaw ratio: 20/20
Of 'N Sync: None of the N Syncers like the au naturale look. Lance lightens
his hair to that platinum
blonde. Joey and JC both stick w/ short hair, but are friends with
the dye bottle. Joey is a lot more
daring though. He's gone from blonde tips to bright red allover. Chris-one
word: braids. And here's a
couple more words: You gotta love the blonde/red ones! Oh, and let
me ask y'all this; Who's seen a white
guy with hair as curly as Justin's? Those aren't curls, that's a fro!!!!
(I just really want to know if it's
natural! 'N Sync fans: e-mail and tell me the truth! Thank you!) And
we all know he's not a natural blonde.
Outlaw ratio: 20/20
Of 98*: They were all good boys back in the day of "The Invisible Man"
but half of them are now saying
it's not "The Hardest Thing" to be outlaws. Justin Jeffre went full
out platinum blonde (and let me just
say it looks good!) Lil' baby Drew Lachey followed along with blonde
highlights. Older members Jeff (the
damn fine one!!!) and Nick have decided to just stay natural. Oh well,
they still look good! Outlaw ratio:
10/20
Of 5ive: Okay, let me just say right now that this rule sucks because
the outlaws of 5ive have the best
illegal hair. Abs takes "natural" to a whole other level and has inspired
me to go with my own messy do.
And then there's Scott. I don't care what anybody says, the spikes
look cool! Unfortunately he has cut
them off. :*( Outlaw ratio: 8/20
Rule 2: No earrings or piercings!
The Perpetrators:
Of the Backstreet Boys: AJ, Kevin, Howie, and Brian are the only ones
who wear earrings. Do you think
that that's why Nick is the most popular? I think not! Outlaw ratio:
16/20
Of N Sync: Joey, Justin, and Chris are the only ones who have gone under
the piercing needle. C'mon
Lance, you have a tattoo, get an earring! And JC c'mon! I know you're
afraid of needles, but be a man and
face your fear! Outlaw ratio: 12/20
Of 98*: The Lachey bros Nick and Drew sport hoops while Justin goes
with the goes-with-everything
diamond studs. Outlaw ratio: 15/20
Of 5ive: Abs and Scott are the guys with the outlaw hair so it's natural
that they both have earrings and
J has an eyebrow ring which I'm seriously loving! Outlaw ratio: 12/20
Rule 3: No tattoos!
The Perpetrators:
Of the Backstreet Boys: AJ (nuff said!) The bad boy of BSB has 10 tattoos
inculding one of a 69. (Which
is why he wore that shirt at the VMA's which I loved too! So you damn
teenyboppers stop bitchin!!!!) One
thing that might suprise some of you that he's not the only one with
tattoos. Baptist church boy Brian has
one on his right shoulder, but it's of a cross on some rocks. (Church
boy even in rebellion.) I guess it's
Frick 'n' Frack till the end because Nick has not one, but reportedly
two tattoos. The only confirmed one
is the one on his arm of a shark (You European fans would know this.)
The rumored one is one on his back,
but I don't know of what. Outlaw ratio: 12/20
of 'N Sync: All you true fans know that as soon as the group found out
that their record had gone
platinum, four of the five went out and got matching tattoos of the
group's flame symbol. (JC, dude, you
need to get over your fear! C'mon! Be a man!) The only other member
with another tattoo is Joey who has
a Superman symbol on his ankle. (Isn't that carrying obsession too
far??? I don't really see myself
getting a BSB tattoo!) Outlaw ratio: 16/20
of 98*: All of the members have tattoos except for Justin who is "anti-tattoo".
Nick has two on his right
arm (one is a sun with 98* degrees in the middle and the other is a
tribal armband with an 'L' in the
center), and a new red and black one on his back. His little bro Drew
has two. He also has an armband like
his bro but it's bigger and has another tribal one on his lower back.
Jeff beats out the others with four,
count 'em, four tattoos! He has one on his chest of Asian characters
which I'm sure you all saw it in the
"I Do" video. What I wouldn't give to be the Doritos girl right then!
He refuses to reveal what the
characters mean due to "personal reasons". The others he has is one
on his right arm of a 98*, another
Asian character on his right shoulder blade and a moon on the left
shoulder blade. Outlaw ratio: 15/20
of 5ive: Only one outlaw this time and it's big daddy J Brown. The oldest
member has one of "a really
muscely blok, dark and sort of sinister; he's got clenched fists with
chains in them" which bandmate
Scott says suits him since he is "twisted, butch, and angry." Outlaw
ratio: 4/20
Rule 4: No facial hair whatsoever. (This seems kind of stupid considering
that all of the guys are
18 and over.)
The Perpetrators:
Of the Backstreet Boys: Despite the name, the BSB are definitely men.
Howie and Kevin keep it simple
and traditional while AJ does the same thing with his goatee with his
clothes and hair: keeps it different
and unusual! (And let me just say he looked goofy back in the day without
facial hair. That's just my
opinion though.) Brian sometimes had a goatee but now is kinda hairless.
Nick is the only one who has
never had facial hair, but hey, puberty has only recently hit him so
we'll just wait! Outlaw ratio: 16/20
Of 'N Sync: Since Chris and Joey are the crazy ones it's kinda natural
that they are the only ones with a
little fuzz. (Again just like AJ these two looked goofy without the
fuzz, especially Joey. I'm sorry, but
that's how I feel. I still love you Joey!) Outlaw ratio: 8/20
Of 98*: Since Justin is described by his bandmates as the trendiest
it's natural that he's the only one
with facial hair. (You gotta love him even though he's not the most
buff. Hey, he did get the Doritos girl
in the tub scene! That's gotta count for something!) Outlaw ratio:
5/20
Of 5ive: Suprise, suprise! It's big daddy J again! He's certainly going
for bad boy status isn't he?? Go J!!
Outlaw ratio: 4/20
Rule 5: Absolutely positively no girlfriends! To admit this is career suicide!
The Perpetrators:
Of Backstreet Boys: "I'll never break your heart, I'll never make you
cry..." Well they certainly did break
some hearts when they finally told their fans that they did indeed
have girlfriends. Were y'all really
falling for that "not enough time for a relationship" crap? Let me
just say that I started to respect them
even more when they started to tell the truth. Outlaw ratio: 16/20
Of 'N Sync: Justin and Britney's relationship when they were in the
MMC is common knowledge but ever
since she was touring with them as their opening act rumors have been
flying left and right that the two
have rekindled their interest in each other, but both sides deny it.
You know they're lying!!!!! You can't
tell me they didn't even mess around or anything because we're talking
about Britney and Justin. Two of
the best looking young people in the business. But I know I can't count
it since I don't have rock solid
proof. Damn! Lance has also tore some hearts by confessing being with
Boy Meets World star Danielle
Fishell. Aww! I think they make such a ::sniff:: cute couple!!!! Excuse
me........::wipes away a tear:: They're
just so cute! Outlaw ratio: 4/20
Of 98*: The first so called boy band to not be afraid to tell the world
about the loves of their lives. To
my knowledge all of them are involved except for, guess who? Taa daa!
Justin! (Is this a dedication to
being the different one????) Outlaw ratio: 15/20
Of 5ive: Okay if you don't know about Ritchie and pop star Billie, then
I have to ask: Where have you
been??? "....We're all sort of beginning to believe that they were
born for each other," says bandmate
Scott, "Those two are just really connected.... They're so alike. They're
just a really, really sweet, nice
couple." Outlaw ratio: 4/20
Rule 6: The ultimate rule: If you are in a boy band, you cannot, will
not, shall not be liked by
anyone of the male persuasion. (Hey this is the only rule that isn't
truly bogus!)
The Perpetrators:
BSB: Okay, as much as they want to resist and deny, guys know THEY LOVE
THEM. I mean c'mon! I
actually found out about their American debut cd from my brother, stole
it from him, and refused to give
it back! He got me back though because when I got Millennium, shortly
after he started stealing it and I
have to fight him to get it back. His favorite member is actually Kevin.
I don't get it either! And look at
the rest of the males!!!! Even Jonathan Davis of Korn said that he
could jam to "Everybody"! Outlaw ratio
on a scale of 1-10: 8
'N Sync: Okay, guys are a lot more hesitant to admit to liking them.
They have a younger image that hasn't
really appealed to guys, but the males are coming around. A lot of
guys that I know say that they like "I
Drive Myself Crazy" and "The Music Of My Heart". Outlaw ratio: 5
98*: THEY LOVE THEM!!! Before BSB came out 98* had a hit with "Invisible
Man" that caught the
attention of not just the girls, but with the guys. Now with the current
wedding-appropiate hit, "I Do" the
males are thankful for giving them something to sing to their girlfriends/fiances/wives.
One more thing:
I bet the entire male race is also thankful for getting the Doritos
girl in a bikini and naked in a bathtub!
Outlaw ratio: 7.5
5ive: Now this completely and totally confuses me. The group known as
5ive admits that their music is and
I quote "pure pop", yet there was no hesitation from the males to liking
them. Maybe it has to do with the
fact that "When The Lights Go Out" is about a certain topic that adolescent
males have on the mind 24/7?
N*e*ways! Outlaw ratio: 9
Final ratings:
BSB: 12
'N Sync: 8
98*: 10.5
5ive: 10.6
Taa daa!! Suprise, suprise! It's our boys who prove that they're not
a so called "boy band"!!!!! None of
them are!! They're all talented guys who are living out their dreams,
and I love everysingle one of them!
It's time that people realize that there are no typical "boy bands"
in this day and age!
The ultimate outlaws:
It's a tie for first... AJ McLean~No suprise here! You all knew he was
an outlaw when he got down on the
stage during "Lay Down Beside Me"! Brian Litrell~Wow! Big shocker!
Who would've guessed chior boy Bri
is an outlaw?? It's always the "innocent" ones!
The Runners-up are:
Lance Bass~Like I said, it's always the "innocent"
ones!
Kevin Richardson: What is it with the country bumpkins
being rebels?
Chris Kirkpatrick: Let me just say that he's one
of the coolest in the group!
Joey Fatone: Who doesn't love a flirt? I know I
do!
Drew Lachey: At least one of the youngest member
of the groups is an outlaw!
"Well, outlaw man, we salute you!" -Eddie, Empire Records
Well that's it. If some of you are thinking, "What the heck was that?"
then good! I'll appreciate some
feedback! If you want to bitch at me, praise me, or just want to be
my friend (I pity those who do!) just
write me at miquieli@aol.com
-- Miquie Li