Source: The LA Times http://www.latimes.com
By MARGARET SAGARESE
September 20, 1999
I curled up with my 15-year-old daughter, Skyler Rose, a few nights
ago to watch the MTV Video Music
Awards to see the cream of pop, hip-hop and rap music. But we were
unnerved by the message delivered
by host Chris Rock: It's not just lonely at the top--it's humiliating.
Jennifer Lopez, he said, needed two limousines: one for her and one
for her rear-end. He complimented
the Backstreet Boys after their performance, calling them "crackers
with attitude." That was an
improvement over his initial remarks, telling them to note New Kids
on the Block's career. Didn't they see
that movie?--implying the Boys' next stop was oblivion. Fat Boy Slim
picked up three Moonman statues and
the slur of "white retard." Britney Spears and 'N Sync took the stage
after being ridiculed with the
shout, "Do you want to hear some lip-synching?" Could Chris dance and
deliver comedy at the same time?
His remarks went past satire into mean-spiritedness.
Call me crazy. Call me old-fashioned. But in the old days, if a person
worked hard over many years,
sacrificed to hone skills and perfect talents, rose to the top of the
professional ladder, a reward for
achievement came with praise and respect. No longer. Now, as evidenced
by the MTV telecast, the
payback for succeeding is an evening of disrespect and humiliation.
I don't know how Lopez took the stage with such grace and charm after
repeated chauvinistic abuse. I
know I would've run out of the Metropolitan Opera House in tears.
An even more disconcerting theme to Rock's hosting was racism. "What
happened to the cool white guys?"
he asked, dismissing Kid Rock, Limp Bizkit, etc., as black rapper wannabes.
It didn't escape me or my
daughter that black performers such as Lauryn Hill and Will Smith escaped
insults and instead were
treated with awe.
As a co-author of several parenting books and an online advisor on adolescents,
I tell parents to steep
themselves in the youth culture. "Watch MTV," I insist. "Help your
teen analyze the messages."
The message of the Video Music Awards: It's cool to be unkind. That's
the opposite of the message I'm
spearheading--along with my co-author, Charlene Giannetti--in a national
campaign called It's Cool to Be
Kind.
After Littleton, Colo., our youth have to reevaluate a climate that
endorses disrespect and put-downs at
the expense of civility, much less kindness. How can we expect teenagers
to act compassionately in middle
and high school hallways when their icons in the world of MTV dish
out sexist, racist and insensitive
insults? And when even the best and brightest stars become victims
and take the verbal abuse? How can
we foster an appreciation of diversity when we applaud entertainment
where the language includes words
like "retard" and affirms racial divisiveness, not harmony?
These performers deserve to feel good on their night of recognition.
I suspect more than one felt like
they were back in middle school being taunted by a bully.
My daughter and I want MTV to apologize to Nick Carter and his Backstreet
mates, to Jennifer Lopez, to
Fat Boy Slim. MTV can be rebellious, outlandish, irreverent--fine.
But it's not cutting-edge to be
Neanderthal or cruel, not after Littleton.
* * *
Margaret Sagarese is co-author of "Parenting 911: How Parents Can Safeguard
and Rescue 10- to
15-Year-Olds" (Broadway Books, 1999) and "The Roller Coaster Years:
Raising Your Child Through the
Maddening Yet Magical Middle School Years" (Broadway, 1997) and online
parenting expert for Parent
Soup (www.parentsoup.com). She lives in Islip, N.Y.
Copyright 1999 Los Angeles Times. All Rights Reserved